So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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