She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
