ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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