I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
