i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
