I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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