I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
