Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
