god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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