I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
