I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Alive.
So much puke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
