so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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