I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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