i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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