rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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