Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have so many feelings about this burrito
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
