By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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