We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
