I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
