OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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