I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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