just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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