none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
