White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
