It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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