Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
