I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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