Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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