In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
