he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
