Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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