he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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