halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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