Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize