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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I guess God knew he was going to be bald...

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex

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• (718): View more from New York

  My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs

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