remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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