I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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