You really coming over, don't trick.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
