All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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