Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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