I have demons in me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
