i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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