wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
