so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
