can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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