I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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