Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
