I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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