I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
