i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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