Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize