Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
