I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
