Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
