And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Randomize
