I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
