The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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