She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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