she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
