sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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