i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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