Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
