Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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