i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
