did you get engaged???
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
