I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
