You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
