He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
