The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
