dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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