She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
