Do you still have your period?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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