Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
