eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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