Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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