1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
