my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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