Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
