I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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