No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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