How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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