I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
