How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
