Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
