i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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