you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
