i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
