Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize