"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
please come you make the beer taste better
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
