Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
