he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
