I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
