I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
