You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
