went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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