saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize