Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
