my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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