Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's never too late to be topless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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