I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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