You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
