census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
