i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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