So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
