I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize