I think I died a long time ago.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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